Reporting Video Briefs

VIDEO: Save San Antonio’s Coal Plants

Dirty Deely strangles man
Don’t feel bad. This Earth Day celebrant was practically begging ‘Dirty’ Deely to choke him to death. It happens all the time. Image: Deceleration

‘Dirty’ Deely announces retirement at San Antonio Earth Day 2018. But pleads: “It’s not too late to save my little brother and sister!”

San Antonio coal plant “Dirty” Deely made an unexpected appearance at Earth Day San Antonio this year. The sooty mass of cancer-causing smog was received warmly by all. There were many photos to pose for, including with one asthmatic who requested to be chocked by the aging death-dealing Deely.

Solar operatives, climate concerned, public health advocates, and other discerning breathers took the announcement in stride. After all, they already know coal is so 19th century (See: “Scott Pruitt Can’t Stop the Death of Big Coal.”)

Though while CPS Energy is planning on retiring this lung-clogging pustule this year, why on earth are they planning on running any coal units into the 2040s? (See: “CPS Energy Forecast: Hazy with a Strong Chance of Coal.”)

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Watch ‘Dirty’ Deely’s official press announcement:

Deely made a lot of friends at Earth Day San Antonio. And only had to strangle one dude to death. At least today.